When someone has cancer, no one says they “are cancer” or refers to them as “cancerous.” When someone has M.S. or Tourette’s they are certainly not labeled as being (and yes, I’m making these words up) “Multiple Sclerotic” or “Tourettic.”
That would be ridiculous, insensitive and … rude.
And yet, when it comes to other afflictions, society seems to forget for some reason that it’s a person they’re referring to — and not just a diagnosis.
Schizophrenic. Epileptic. Anorexic. Neurotic. Dyslexic. Diabetic.
Autistic.
I gotta say, that last one drives me crazy.
My oldest son, Ben, is many things: He’s loving, social, curious, playful, stubborn, mischievous — I can go on and on. He is also happens to be on the Autism Spectrum.
Do not call him “Autistic.”
Ben isn’t Autism. He has it. And yes, there is a difference.
To those of you who would argue that it’s just semantics or more politically correct nonsense — let me just stop you right there.
No. It’s not. And it’s not to millions of other families out there either.
Our children are not our “Autistic” children — they’re our children. Period.
I am lucky enough to be the mother of not one, but two bright and beautiful little boys and in many ways they are very much alike: they both have their Dad’s dark hair and brown eyes, they both love books and trains and dinosaurs. They both love macaroni and cheese and pizza, they both dislike oranges, bed-time and haircuts.
So alike, and so different. Whereas Ben didn’t speak until he was three, Sam, at a year and a half, is already beginning to put multiple words together.
Ben prefers to line his toys up to admire them — Sam zooms his race-cars across the floor. Ben will watch the same movie over and over on a loop, Sam doesn’t have much interest in television and prefers to follow me around the house.
So, when I introduce them, do you think I say “This is my son, Sam and my Autistic son, Ben?”
Of course not. That would be an awful thing for anyone to do — and yet, that’s exactly what the term implies: that the person is nothing more than a label.
Ben is not my “Autistic son” any more than Sam is my “Neuro-typical son.” They’re just my sons.
Autism is not a disease, it is a life-long neurological and developmental condition. And although it can be an edifying and meaningful component of a person’s identity — it is not all of who they are.
There’s plenty of people who I’m sure will disagree with me — and that’s fine. I have even read some research that suggests parents and family members tend to more prickly about the term than people on the Spectrum themselves.
I also would also agree that in many cases, context matters. Generally, one can tell if a comment or phrase is intended to be derogatory or if no offense was intended. I make a point to respond accordingly.
If, when my son is grown, if he has no problem calling himself “Autistic” — I’ll follow his lead. But for now, I’m the Mom.
And I know he is so much more than just a label.